It’s been awhile since I wrote, and a lot has happened in my
life. I’ve been sorting it all out and that’s been time consuming as it’s all
about emotions that are changing as fast as clouds on a windy day. Can’t seem
to catch one long enough to understand it before it’s transforming into
something new. Those who’ve kept up with me on Facebook know that recently I
made the trek back to my hometown to care for my parents who, oddly became
gravely ill at the same time. They’re well on the mend now but when I left, I
wasn’t sure if I’d still have a father by the time I returned or what condition
treatment would leave my mother in, in the long run. But, after a month and a
half, I was able to leave them to their respective recoveries and return to
what passes for normal for me. I returned grateful for those in my life and for
how I’ve chosen to live my life – for those who supported me when I was scared
and kept me up during times of uncertainty. I guess sometimes you don’t know
how much you’re loved till you really need it. So, I came back a much more
grateful person than when I left and much more aware of how I was creating my
life I think, than I was before. But, I’ve also been emotionally confused which
I’m told is understandable. See, before the scare with my parents, my very old
kitty and best fur pal died, and one of my best friends died so I was still
working through all that as well.
All of this I’ve said to illustrate that there’s been a LOT
of changes lately around me with another big one on the way and it’s drawn a
reflectiveness from me that I’m learning to understand and appreciate. Since
the weather has been a mix of rainy and sunny but the days are yet mild, I’ve
taken to rising early and drinking my coffee outside in my back yard where this
morning. It’s was loamy and wet from the rains, a pleasant dampness filled with
the smell of green everything. I didn’t have much on my mind as I don’t think
my mind was awake yet, so stray thoughts were just floating around in there
with no particular place to go. I looked over to the grill and the rain had
kicked up some of the dirt from the ground as it fell hard last night and
splattered it in an interesting pattern on the foot of the grill. I thought,
hey, that’s pretty cool! A strap on my yard chair broke and I thought, well,
gotta fix that but, it can wait so I sat happily crooked while I waited for the
mornings appearance of the neighborhood squirrels. They usually stop to nibble
on my cherry tree and as they hop from tree to tree. As they launch from branch
to branch, a smattering of rain is loosed from the leaves that had been
greedily holding on to the moisture. But
today, they must’ve been elsewhere. Baby bird were cheeping for breakfast and
my tummy was growling too but, I didn’t want to do anything but sip coffee and
let things happen around me. Until….
Out of the corner of my eye I caught something odd. Through
the slats of the fence I saw a spider web that appeared to be woven in a
rectangle, I thought because of the way the light was hitting it because
spiders don’t weave rectangles that I know of. Curious, I got up from my broken
chair to look and after getting myself into some odd positions, I could finally
see the fine silk of the rest of the web. What then was creating the highlight
on the rectangle if not for the light, I wondered? So, I watched it for a bit
trying to figure it out. I congratulated the spider on its masterful display
that was beyond me to figure out at the moment, so I sat back in my crooked
chair willing to chalk it up to just a mystery I wasn’t awake enough to fathom.
It was more fun to wonder at the spiders’ artistic tendencies. Did it
strategically place extra fluid to just that rectangle of web? Amusingly I
wondered if it was statement of some kind? Was it a spider living room? Then,
as I looked back again, through the sunlight and at the wood, steam was rising
as the sun heated the fence. Darn, now it made sense. The side closest to the
web was being steamed and gather droplets that reflected in the light. It was
no less interesting than when I’d been playing with the thought, but I was
vaguely sad it made sense and squashed my creative stream of fun. I sipped my
coffee for a moment and then decided – I need a picture of this!
So, this is the mind of an artist. You really do see and
experience life through a different lens. I may not generally just walk by
flowers. I’ll stop to look at how the lights and darks are interacting with the
environment, smell it, watch the bees for a moment and then walk by. I may stop
to watch ants crawling up a tree and wonder what they’re thinking. I may try to
watch grass grow just to see if I can see it. I may be entranced by the steam
coming off a hot cup of coffee. I may be studying your jawline while you’re
talking in earnest to me about something. I may wonder how I can put colors
into understandable form to those who are blind, something I’m actually working
on for a future show. Artists are observers and chroniclers of experience and
our digestion of those experiences leak out in different forms – writing,
painting, dance etc. Artists are a curious lot who like me, will stop to wonder
why something is the way it is, trying to figure it out while at the same time,
appreciating the mystery. We are lovers of the in-between’s of life. People
always wonder what’s in an artist mind at any given time – why we paint
something in particular – what we’re feeling when we do it… This was just a
moment this morning and a peek into its concealed vastness. Wonder if that spider knew what it was
getting into…..
