Odd Day

Angels Pass

I'm having an odd day. I would say nothing particularly out of the ordinary is going on but rather the atmosphere just feels off, or I feel off. It was an odd dreaming night but hey, wasn't dreaming of Oprah Winfrey again - not that there's anything wrong with that. It was odd that the squirrels that scurry among the now bare branches of my favorite tree outside my bedroom window weren't in a scurrying mood and so the trees branches remained still. Kinda missed seeing them. I waited at the bank while listening to others complain about how long it was taking. Ok, that's the norm these days but I felt kind of outside it all, like I was watching a movie where people were impatient. I guess this feeling is what's called 'going through the motions', or in my more fanciful mind, maybe I woke up in the wrong dimension. I feel like a flat version of myself just pasted onto whatever we call reality these days. I have these kind of days occasionally. I usually just wait them out till I feel engaging and three dimensional again. 
In the absence of anything that causes me any response today other than MEH - whatev - I started doing research on blogging and how often you should blog. BTW, not a fan of the word blog. Sounds lumpy and uncoordinated. People who've known me for years know I have a 'thing' with some words all the time and then sometimes I have a 'thing' with a particular word for one day. Today it's the word blog and it sounds like I barfed up a frog but, these things are what my mom calls Wendyisms. I also don't like the word pop and will say potcorn instead. I don't know what's gross about that word but it's just gross, yucky and eww. You'd be surprised how many times a day the word pop can come up and gross you out. Anyway, the reigning advice on how often to blog was at least once a day depending on what kind of blog it is or what you want from it. Truthfully, I just want to see what's on my mind at any given time and writing is what works for me. These days, living out loud online seems to be a thing so we'll see. My internet rule of thumb is, don't put anything online that you wouldn't want a potato farmer in Russia to know because you never know who you're talking to. I don't mind if a potato farmer in Russia knows I'm adverse to the word pop. Maybe he is too? I can't promise myself to write every day but only to see where this takes me and go from there.
So, what do you write about on a MEH day? Apparently about the word pop and how gross it is, and the disturbing lack of squirrels in your life. You can also write in reference to your previous post about life changes still on my mind - the nature of change itself; how energy, neither destroyed or created, will change form.
 I started thinking last night that we don't live life, we live change. The coffee I drank this morning is changing breaking down to it's base chemicals and my body is using it, then getting rid of what it doesn't need. In reality, I don't experience much of that on a conscious level unless I focus my attention. I drink it, it's yummy and it's gone - time for more. But underneath the reality I pay attention to, it's changing it's form and changing me in staggeringly complex and beautiful ways. When I focused my meditations on recognizing change it was making me crazy because it's everything and everywhere. My kids changed and grew up. My kitty died and things changed. My best friend died and my life changed. Sigh, it's a mind-boggling constant so I had to stop thinking about it! Ok, I never really stopped thinking about it. I just take breaks. But on MEH days, change is important to remember. Nothing ever stay the same. The MEH will pass dragging with it some other change disguised as a shiny rock I'll feel the need to sit and think about. Maybe that's what the MEH day is about, taking an imaginary breather from the relentlessness march of change. It's perhaps your brain panting with it's tongue out thinking, enough already!
So today I'll be MEH till I'm not. It's useful for cleaning the house and finishing the laundry. Maybe I'll see the neighborhood squirrels at sundown, ready to cozy up for the night. There were two yesterday that struck me as siblings who were daring each other to jump onto increasingly untrustworthy branches. Squirrel goals I guess. I'll go home, fold some towels and the mundanity  will make some sense of my life. They too will eventually become dirty (change) for some reason,  and have to be washed again. It just goes on and on - thank goodness.

Lifes Directions

Wolf Spirit

A long time ago I got this blog and haven't really done anything with it. I put a lot of time and energy into Facebook and Facebook business and thought that was a decent way to make a go of it but over time, Facebook has kept moving the bar on outreach and advertising and frankly, I'm tired of putting in a ton of effort and money for not much return. So, I'll give blogging a try.
For those new to me, I'm Wendy Anderson - Owner of Dream Dragon Studios. I'm an intuitive artist in Lorton VA.(wink to Stephanie) I paint, sculpt, write (The Creator Connection published in 2000), and write music. There's a lot more, just like there is to anyone else but - those are stories for another time. 
Lately I've been wanting to get back to some writing. The publishing world has changed a lot since I first published and I've mulled over various ways to do it in today's world. I think maybe blogging is a good fit for me. I can publish stuff online as I go along and them maybe compile it all at a later date into a book. I"m going to try it anyway, see if I can keep it up.
Being your own boss and on a budget means being a jack of all trades you don't have a clue about, so you learn. When I published Creator Connection, I went looking for websites to advertise it on. I ended up web mastering a discussion board and learning how all that worked in the process. I was lucky to get in on the formative years of all that so I learned HTML etc so I could build my own website. Course, things change. Plug and play stuff came along and then you didn't need to know all that stuff. Websites went to eye-searing flashy JAVA to form sheets you filled out and poof, you had a website. They went from thoughtful discussion boards to Facebook and Twitter. Tell us your woes in 5 likes or less. We're sending thoughts and prayers at the speed of the internet then going about our daily lives. Won't be long before you can order them on Amazon. When I talk like this, I begin to feel like an old fart complaining about having to walk uphill in the snow to get to school or something. Things change. You either change with them or get run over.
Oh yes, being my own boss means you're chief everything - except CFO. That's hubby. You're publicity, you're the maid, you're the acquisitions manager (shopping), you're searching shows and applying and somewhere in the middle of all that, you get to create. I managed my family for years. It's not all that different. But it can be exhausting. So you try to put your efforts where there will be a reasonable expectation of payoff. Yeah... in this business there's precious little of that. Still, I love it. I don't want to do or be anything else ever in my life - unless life has something better for me. Who knows? Things change. You either are open to that change or become bitter for times that once were and live in the past.
Still with me? Attention spans are getting ever so short now - mine included. Where was I? Being my own boss.... upside - I can make it up as I go along! I'm only answerable to me. I'm very lucky to be in a position in life now where I can do this and so I'm putting everything I got into it. Sometimes though, it feels like setting up an epic party that only you show up for, in your sad little party hat on a stool in the corner. There are moments that you're so excited at what you've done, wrap it up in a nice package, jump up and go TA DA - and... crickets. It can feel like no one gives a crap and look, the reality is they probably don't. Or they care long enough to push like and then on to the next thing. So, you have to develop a tough skin sprinkled with a thin sliver of hope in this business or you're not going to make it. I've been someone elses cricket too while they were sitting on their party stool. That's life and the nature of the beast. Being your own boss means also being your own cheerleader, though I'm lucky enough and grateful to have my husband, kid and friends as a cheer squad too. But they don't come to the studio every day and sit on the party stool with a hat and a balloon.
Given all that sad clown reference - I will say, when everything comes together and works as an artist, it's like being part of something magical. Unless you do this, you can't imagine what it's like to be a part of someones life like this so I'll tell you a story. Around Christmas time, a man and his son come to our building (of 14 artists) looking for someone to finish a painting that a beloved family member never got to finish. It was acrylic and only needed a background so I said ok. I can do that. I could tell this was something very special to them and it was a surprise for the family - could I have it done in time for Christmas? I said yep and got to work. First off, the amount of trust someone puts in you for something like that is touching. It's not just art, it's a piece of their family heart and yeah you're a professional but, I feel it's still pretty amazing.
I sat with the piece for a day or so talking to the portrait cause that's my process. I cleaned up the edges of the aging canvas, applied a fresh coat of gesso to cover the yellowing, cleaned up the edges of the figure in the painting and figured out how I was going to do the background to set off the other artists work rather than call attention to itself. I described it to someone else as being like a backup singer. You have to do your best to make the lead singer sound better than without you. You back them up. Once I had that figured out, I held my breath and started painting it. I kept them up on the process the whole way and heard back from them once but, as pickup day came closer - I hadn't heard anything. I was beginning to worry it wasn't what they'd been thinking of and didn't know how to tell me. Pickup day I couldn't' be there because of a previous appointment but they did come and pick it up. Still no word. I figured well, they took it so it must at least be acceptable. Next day rolls around and I'm chatting with another artist when I was called to my studio. They'd made a special trip out to see me and thank me. I didn't realize I'd actually been holding a breath till they told me not only was it ok but was exactly what they wanted. Talk about relieved!
Other than the technical aspects like - did it look right, was the color working for them etc... honestly what really mattered to me was that it honored the person who painted it and those who would receive it. I knew it was important to them and that mattered to me more than anything else. To hear that they were going to love it and were excited about presenting it on Christmas was all I needed to hear. That, my friends, is the difference between art and ART. I only painted a  background. But it was so much more - probably more than I realize and I felt honored to be a part of that.
When someone falls in love with a piece, in a way the piece falls in love with them. If you're sensitive you can hear/see that happen and it's the most beautiful thing - well seeing my kids for the first time was moreso. But it's right up there. There's an instant kind of healing that starts, which, since I consider my art healing art is a good thing. A guy came in last week and said that the way I convey concepts was amazing. He'd not seen many that could do that. Some days it pays to wear the party hat. And even when people don't get it, there's value in what they share.
I'll probably wax on about being an artist many many times as I write. But what I should really say is I'm a creator. I believe we are all creators and I love helping people discover that. I feel, when you can access your creativity, you're closer to whatever you feel is THE Creator because you're engaging in that process - you're dipping into the murky well of possibilities and shaping them into something real and sharable - you're developing a relationship with those energies and processes that bring flexibility and a unique openness to your life. Nothing opens you like creativity. Nothing makes you feel as vulnerable as creativity. Not even love. Ok, it's true in my experience but that's what I'm sharing here.
So, I think I'll leave my thoughts here. I've said before, take what thoughts you need and leave the rest behind. We all have different journeys in life and not all my puzzle pieces will fit with yours. It's my hope that maybe what I understand about my life can light the way in yours.

Time to put on another party hat!

Wendy Anderson
www.dreamdragonstudios.com