Intuitive Energy Artist

Jewish Blessings

I'm feeling lazy today which is a quandary for a self employed artist. What kind of feeling lazy am I? Am I feeling lazy to avoid something I was going to do at the studio? Am I feeling lazy because I'm tired and need a break? Is it the weather? Chipmunks? What?

As you may have guessed, I got myself dressed (in a lazy fashion of course) and came to the studio. I couldn't answer why I felt lazy so I'm assuming it's a passing thing and not the need for 'me' time. Why does it even matter? Because if you're entering into creativity full time, you need to understand your creative cycles and what they mean. Otherwise you could push yourself in ways that are unproductive or ignore some meaningful bit of insight that can inform your next masterpiece. Being an intuitive artist isn't just about creating intuitive work but being intuitive about yourself and your own life - in a sense, walking the talk.

So, what's an intuitive artist - or as my friends tell me to say - an intuitive energy artist? Got about 20 years for me to outline it all? Julia Watkins is a good example of an intuitive energy artist. Roberta Tresslar is another. I want to say, all types of creative endeavors are a process of engaging an unlimited consciousness and bringing out in a way that communicates it to another person. The difference between an energy or intuitive artist and, for want of a better word, regular artist is that an energy artist doesn't tap that resource in a passive way but in a deliberate purposeful way, becomes in a sense 'hollow' to that energy and lets it become through them into whatever medium they're exploring or proficient with. Frequently, you'll hear an energy artist talk about meditations or journeys they experienced in order to bring those energies forward and what they learned about themselves by being a part of the process. An artist will generally have a story for every piece they've chosen to create but an energy artist will have the life lessons that pass through their lives as they are creating the piece and further, what the piece experiences after it's creation. In short, being an energy artist, for me, is bringing some form of healing into the world in a visual way that people can meditate with and use to heal themselves at their own pace and in their own way. I create tools for healing that happen to look like art. I haven't marketed it that way for many reasons that I guess I've outgrown now. Some people will think it's weird or pseudoscience and I acknowledge that. I suppose that judgement was what I've been afraid of for many years. But I've experienced enough now having an open studio, and people who didn't even know because I didn't tell them - tell ME that I was creating healing work or tell me how a piece has affected them and now, I don't worry about it too much. The ratio of those who think I'm odd is small compared to the ones who know and support what I do and the pieces don't usually call out for them anyway.

I also will often talk about the journey of a piece. I'll tell you all the story of the piece above titled Jewish Blessings. I'm not Jewish, lets get that out right away. But I have a deep respect for the faith and was drawn to learn more. It's part of a larger series I called the Blessing Series.I did extensive research and interviewed some people of the Jewish faith before I even attempted it. And actually, recalling now that the idea came while I was researching the history to the Tree Of Life for another series. I found that the menorah was a symbol of the tree of life and then I learned that the Hanukkah wasn't the menorah. That it served a different purpose. I was intrigued. I wanted to create a piece that reflected both because the more I learned about it the more central to their faith it felt. Keep in mind, this is an outsiders view. a Few months of research can't replace the deep experience of a lifetime of faith. So feeling around everything I'd learned, a vision of what I eventually painted came into view. The piece can be hung either way depending on the season and in both cases, the Chai symbol will be upright when turned. I even ordered the tzitzit to knot for the corners of the piece but didn't learn the prayers to knot them properly so I didn't include them. After talking with several of the faith, the consensus was that if I ever did want to include them, check with a Rabbi. 

I was very happy with the piece when it was finished and the reception I received from people about it. I took it to a gallery in Fredricksberg for a showing. It was in a group of pieces but under a particularly heavy one and for whatever reason, the larger piece fell taking Jewish Blessings with it. The entire stretcher frame was damaged and there was a significant hole in the Hanukkah. Everyone was apologetic. It was a complete accident and while I was bummed, I believe in the journey of a piece. Given the faith this was created for and all that faith has been through, it felt significant that the piece had experienced  a trauma so, I sat with it that way for many months. I don't remember how long though, waiting for it to tell me what it wanted. At first I thought, hey, I'll mount it on a mirror and that way when you look through the wound you'll see yourself. That seemed cool but it didn't resonate in me as what it needed. Then I thought well, I could repair it so you didn't even know but that didn't seem right to cover up it's experience. Finally it told me to repair and re-stretch it but don't paint the damaged area. Leave it as is, symbolically saying that throughout life, we will be wounded and once we are, we'll never be the same. That's not the point. It's how we move forward from our wounds that determines who we are and who we are yet to become. And that's how the piece still hangs in my studio today. It's a powerful lesson I've taken into my own life and pass on when someone shows interest in the piece. If I'd not allowed for the journey of that piece, if instead I fussed and got upset or even trashed it as a damaged piece - I would've missed a lesson very valuable to me and very touching to those of the faith that I tell it to. And maybe now you. That, and more is what being an intuitive energy artist means.  

You can have those experiences anytime in your life. All it takes is opening to them but for many, that's too high a price to pay. The journey of their wounds is more valuable and with them they lash out at others to create more. I used to try to save people like that because I was in a sense trying to save and understand myself. Now, I leave them to what they value unless they ask me a question. Then I'll share what I value and let them make of that what they will. 

 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' Gandhi.

Balancing Act

Contemplate Self

You ever have days you wake up and everything feels weird? I'm having a day like that and it's not even started yet! I'd like to announce, for those worried, that the squirrels are back! One appears to have gotten into a bit of trouble though as his/her tail looked some fluff had been removed. I imagine that's tough for a squirrel. I think they use their tails for balance but I could be wrong.
It's not just that poor squirrel with body issues. My parrot Guido has been in a hard molt for a few months now and last night lost his flight feathers on one side causing him to fall off his perch as birds DO use those for balance - poor thing. He's always touchy during these times, needing TLC but unwilling to accept it so I feed him and mist him in the morning then just leave him be.

Finding balance is one of those tricky things in life I have yet to master, if it can be mastered. It's as though I understand, or think I do, the ways to achieve balance in all areas of my life but fail to make it happen. It's especially challenging to balance your life during this time of year and on the heels of a year of personal losses. You start to wonder whether anything will ever make sense and then laugh at the arrogance that you think it should. I'm starting to wonder if life balance is an illusional unicorn best left to imagine rather than achieve. Depressing thought.

Our very lives and existence physically speaking is owed to a balance on just about any scale you measure it on. There's orbital balance - a little bit off here or there and poof, no planet. There's rotational balance - try to imagine if the planet didn't have a steady rotation, what that would do to gravity and in turn, so much else. We owe a lot to gravity. There's chemical balance both planetary and within our bodies without which we literally wouldn't survive. So many balances that have to happen just right to allow me to be here to question it at all. So many things in constant motion but still in some sort of harmony that creates balance. It's flat out amazing and awe-inspiring , no matter who or what you credit with it. Why is personal balance so different?

Normally I don't have too much trouble keeping up with changes in my life and by default, finding some measure of personal balance. But lately, I feel reactionary - getting wrenched from one change to another, unable to keep up. It's left me tired in every way I can describe. I just want to draw a circle around me, curl up and sleep while everything else spins out because there doesn't feel like anything I can do about it all. It feels like everything I've fought so hard for my whole life; kindness, patience, understanding and love for yourself first and then for others - feels like it doesn't matter anymore in a world where people 'troll' and where the news cycle is spinning so fast we're going from one headline to another without dealing with any of them. People are suffering everywhere and it's overwhelming. It just keeps piling on with no signs of stopping. And I feel like a very small voice in a hurricane of angry tweets. A very small voice.

I suppose every generation laments the changes that occur from when they were idealistically younger and the world seemed simpler - though it really wasn't. My idealism has been dying a slow hard death for years now while I held it in my arms willing it to live. I guess I just haven't given it a proper eulogy. "Here lies my idealism. It was fun while it lasted?" In the light of this awareness, that sometimes life pretty much sucks, sometimes for reasons, sometimes for no reason at all, I must also change and balance - or be dragged through life. Though I consider myself a kind person, I'll be kinder. Though I consider myself understanding, I'll be more so. I'll be patient where it's warranted. Because to contribute to the chaos of today's existence is just to exist and not help move towards what I know we can be and what I want to be. I may be a small voice among few - doesn't matter. I think that's where I got off balance was when it started mattering or I expected to see results of some kind. It's easy to forget in the storm that life is about the journey, to the destination or result. When it's my time to leave this life for whatever is next, I want to know I lived it as I chose, not at the end of societies leash flapping in the storms. Lately people are calling me 'wise' because of this kind of talk. It's really enlightened self interest and survival. It's changed from what I've believed, to a choice of how I want to feel in my life - then having the awareness to BE it. Anyone can be 'wise'. I'm the only one that can be me.

The squirrels tail fur will grow back. Guido's flight and tail feathers will grow back and he'll again be able to balance. Looks like I'll find my balance again in my new normal.

Self Estimation

Half a Life

I said something to someone earlier today that made me think. I said, I've got to stop estimating myself. It was in relation to something I thought I couldn't do and I thought, why did I do that? Why did I disable myself right off the bat? And now I'm thinking about the whole subject of estimating oneself at all. What payoff is there to predetermining your capabilities - likely based on past experiences that wouldn't matter in the now anyway? In asking myself, I don't really have an answer yet. Well one. To keep yourself down.
I've pondered the value of 'can't' for a long time. I try to correct it when I catch myself saying it and ask if it's a 'can't' or a 'won't'. In my book 'The Creator Connection' I describe legitimate can'ts vrs won'ts. 'I don't have legs so therefore I can't walk.' That's a legitimate can't. Doesn't mean there aren't other ways you can get around and will find. It just means there's an actual and real limitation on your ability for that function. 'I can't go through that again.' isn't a can't, it's a won't. Won't is a function of the will and a choice. Both limit but one is a real limit and one is a choice based limit and that makes all the difference. What we can choose, we can affect change or a deeper acceptance.
Now, think about where you have said can't in just a single day. Think about how many of those were real and how many of those were by choice. How many times just today did you willfully disable/limit yourself? Substitute the word can't with won't and you'll see the difference in how that feels.
I think I'd like change my language to a more exploratory language. I could say, 'lets's find out' instead of can't or won't; see how that feels for awhile. Lately I've been searching for ways to get my head out of dualities and into more open thought and this may help. I feel as though I've been chasing my life in duality. This is good, no this is bad. This is right or this is wrong. While duality exists as descriptive representations, experiences are seldom all one side of the equation or the other but rather a combination of both or something that transcends those definitions entirely. For several years I've tried to stay within the balance of dualities rather than weighted to one side or the other but inevitably I favor one more than the other based largely on habitual or predetermined thinking. 'Ugh I'm dreading this turns into - yep, I was right or surprisingly it wasn't that bad' but still trapped in that duality of thought. So what's so bad about that? Clinging to one side or the other limits the choices available to make. Limits to choice are limits to the fullness of an experience both in the now and in the future as that habit develops itself. by way of example: If I were to show you a cookie and let you smell it but not eat it, I've limited your experience. I've limited and controlled your understanding OF that cookie and by default I've also limited/controlled how you're going to feel about cookies in the future. Maybe you don't even know cookies are meant to be eaten? How would you know unless the experience changes?
There's another determining factor to breaking the cycle of dualities - curiosity. Some of the greatest scientific breakthroughs have been because of something that was tried and didn't go the way the facts told them it should. Maybe one day I left a cookie out alone and you got curious and tasted it. Now you have a new experience of that cookie and it opened a new way of thinking about and interacting with it. Darn, now I want a cookie.
I think I'll end my pondering here for today but this isn't all I got to say about this subject. Stay tuned.

Odd Day

Angels Pass

I'm having an odd day. I would say nothing particularly out of the ordinary is going on but rather the atmosphere just feels off, or I feel off. It was an odd dreaming night but hey, wasn't dreaming of Oprah Winfrey again - not that there's anything wrong with that. It was odd that the squirrels that scurry among the now bare branches of my favorite tree outside my bedroom window weren't in a scurrying mood and so the trees branches remained still. Kinda missed seeing them. I waited at the bank while listening to others complain about how long it was taking. Ok, that's the norm these days but I felt kind of outside it all, like I was watching a movie where people were impatient. I guess this feeling is what's called 'going through the motions', or in my more fanciful mind, maybe I woke up in the wrong dimension. I feel like a flat version of myself just pasted onto whatever we call reality these days. I have these kind of days occasionally. I usually just wait them out till I feel engaging and three dimensional again. 
In the absence of anything that causes me any response today other than MEH - whatev - I started doing research on blogging and how often you should blog. BTW, not a fan of the word blog. Sounds lumpy and uncoordinated. People who've known me for years know I have a 'thing' with some words all the time and then sometimes I have a 'thing' with a particular word for one day. Today it's the word blog and it sounds like I barfed up a frog but, these things are what my mom calls Wendyisms. I also don't like the word pop and will say potcorn instead. I don't know what's gross about that word but it's just gross, yucky and eww. You'd be surprised how many times a day the word pop can come up and gross you out. Anyway, the reigning advice on how often to blog was at least once a day depending on what kind of blog it is or what you want from it. Truthfully, I just want to see what's on my mind at any given time and writing is what works for me. These days, living out loud online seems to be a thing so we'll see. My internet rule of thumb is, don't put anything online that you wouldn't want a potato farmer in Russia to know because you never know who you're talking to. I don't mind if a potato farmer in Russia knows I'm adverse to the word pop. Maybe he is too? I can't promise myself to write every day but only to see where this takes me and go from there.
So, what do you write about on a MEH day? Apparently about the word pop and how gross it is, and the disturbing lack of squirrels in your life. You can also write in reference to your previous post about life changes still on my mind - the nature of change itself; how energy, neither destroyed or created, will change form.
 I started thinking last night that we don't live life, we live change. The coffee I drank this morning is changing breaking down to it's base chemicals and my body is using it, then getting rid of what it doesn't need. In reality, I don't experience much of that on a conscious level unless I focus my attention. I drink it, it's yummy and it's gone - time for more. But underneath the reality I pay attention to, it's changing it's form and changing me in staggeringly complex and beautiful ways. When I focused my meditations on recognizing change it was making me crazy because it's everything and everywhere. My kids changed and grew up. My kitty died and things changed. My best friend died and my life changed. Sigh, it's a mind-boggling constant so I had to stop thinking about it! Ok, I never really stopped thinking about it. I just take breaks. But on MEH days, change is important to remember. Nothing ever stay the same. The MEH will pass dragging with it some other change disguised as a shiny rock I'll feel the need to sit and think about. Maybe that's what the MEH day is about, taking an imaginary breather from the relentlessness march of change. It's perhaps your brain panting with it's tongue out thinking, enough already!
So today I'll be MEH till I'm not. It's useful for cleaning the house and finishing the laundry. Maybe I'll see the neighborhood squirrels at sundown, ready to cozy up for the night. There were two yesterday that struck me as siblings who were daring each other to jump onto increasingly untrustworthy branches. Squirrel goals I guess. I'll go home, fold some towels and the mundanity  will make some sense of my life. They too will eventually become dirty (change) for some reason,  and have to be washed again. It just goes on and on - thank goodness.

Lifes Directions

Wolf Spirit

A long time ago I got this blog and haven't really done anything with it. I put a lot of time and energy into Facebook and Facebook business and thought that was a decent way to make a go of it but over time, Facebook has kept moving the bar on outreach and advertising and frankly, I'm tired of putting in a ton of effort and money for not much return. So, I'll give blogging a try.
For those new to me, I'm Wendy Anderson - Owner of Dream Dragon Studios. I'm an intuitive artist in Lorton VA.(wink to Stephanie) I paint, sculpt, write (The Creator Connection published in 2000), and write music. There's a lot more, just like there is to anyone else but - those are stories for another time. 
Lately I've been wanting to get back to some writing. The publishing world has changed a lot since I first published and I've mulled over various ways to do it in today's world. I think maybe blogging is a good fit for me. I can publish stuff online as I go along and them maybe compile it all at a later date into a book. I"m going to try it anyway, see if I can keep it up.
Being your own boss and on a budget means being a jack of all trades you don't have a clue about, so you learn. When I published Creator Connection, I went looking for websites to advertise it on. I ended up web mastering a discussion board and learning how all that worked in the process. I was lucky to get in on the formative years of all that so I learned HTML etc so I could build my own website. Course, things change. Plug and play stuff came along and then you didn't need to know all that stuff. Websites went to eye-searing flashy JAVA to form sheets you filled out and poof, you had a website. They went from thoughtful discussion boards to Facebook and Twitter. Tell us your woes in 5 likes or less. We're sending thoughts and prayers at the speed of the internet then going about our daily lives. Won't be long before you can order them on Amazon. When I talk like this, I begin to feel like an old fart complaining about having to walk uphill in the snow to get to school or something. Things change. You either change with them or get run over.
Oh yes, being my own boss means you're chief everything - except CFO. That's hubby. You're publicity, you're the maid, you're the acquisitions manager (shopping), you're searching shows and applying and somewhere in the middle of all that, you get to create. I managed my family for years. It's not all that different. But it can be exhausting. So you try to put your efforts where there will be a reasonable expectation of payoff. Yeah... in this business there's precious little of that. Still, I love it. I don't want to do or be anything else ever in my life - unless life has something better for me. Who knows? Things change. You either are open to that change or become bitter for times that once were and live in the past.
Still with me? Attention spans are getting ever so short now - mine included. Where was I? Being my own boss.... upside - I can make it up as I go along! I'm only answerable to me. I'm very lucky to be in a position in life now where I can do this and so I'm putting everything I got into it. Sometimes though, it feels like setting up an epic party that only you show up for, in your sad little party hat on a stool in the corner. There are moments that you're so excited at what you've done, wrap it up in a nice package, jump up and go TA DA - and... crickets. It can feel like no one gives a crap and look, the reality is they probably don't. Or they care long enough to push like and then on to the next thing. So, you have to develop a tough skin sprinkled with a thin sliver of hope in this business or you're not going to make it. I've been someone elses cricket too while they were sitting on their party stool. That's life and the nature of the beast. Being your own boss means also being your own cheerleader, though I'm lucky enough and grateful to have my husband, kid and friends as a cheer squad too. But they don't come to the studio every day and sit on the party stool with a hat and a balloon.
Given all that sad clown reference - I will say, when everything comes together and works as an artist, it's like being part of something magical. Unless you do this, you can't imagine what it's like to be a part of someones life like this so I'll tell you a story. Around Christmas time, a man and his son come to our building (of 14 artists) looking for someone to finish a painting that a beloved family member never got to finish. It was acrylic and only needed a background so I said ok. I can do that. I could tell this was something very special to them and it was a surprise for the family - could I have it done in time for Christmas? I said yep and got to work. First off, the amount of trust someone puts in you for something like that is touching. It's not just art, it's a piece of their family heart and yeah you're a professional but, I feel it's still pretty amazing.
I sat with the piece for a day or so talking to the portrait cause that's my process. I cleaned up the edges of the aging canvas, applied a fresh coat of gesso to cover the yellowing, cleaned up the edges of the figure in the painting and figured out how I was going to do the background to set off the other artists work rather than call attention to itself. I described it to someone else as being like a backup singer. You have to do your best to make the lead singer sound better than without you. You back them up. Once I had that figured out, I held my breath and started painting it. I kept them up on the process the whole way and heard back from them once but, as pickup day came closer - I hadn't heard anything. I was beginning to worry it wasn't what they'd been thinking of and didn't know how to tell me. Pickup day I couldn't' be there because of a previous appointment but they did come and pick it up. Still no word. I figured well, they took it so it must at least be acceptable. Next day rolls around and I'm chatting with another artist when I was called to my studio. They'd made a special trip out to see me and thank me. I didn't realize I'd actually been holding a breath till they told me not only was it ok but was exactly what they wanted. Talk about relieved!
Other than the technical aspects like - did it look right, was the color working for them etc... honestly what really mattered to me was that it honored the person who painted it and those who would receive it. I knew it was important to them and that mattered to me more than anything else. To hear that they were going to love it and were excited about presenting it on Christmas was all I needed to hear. That, my friends, is the difference between art and ART. I only painted a  background. But it was so much more - probably more than I realize and I felt honored to be a part of that.
When someone falls in love with a piece, in a way the piece falls in love with them. If you're sensitive you can hear/see that happen and it's the most beautiful thing - well seeing my kids for the first time was moreso. But it's right up there. There's an instant kind of healing that starts, which, since I consider my art healing art is a good thing. A guy came in last week and said that the way I convey concepts was amazing. He'd not seen many that could do that. Some days it pays to wear the party hat. And even when people don't get it, there's value in what they share.
I'll probably wax on about being an artist many many times as I write. But what I should really say is I'm a creator. I believe we are all creators and I love helping people discover that. I feel, when you can access your creativity, you're closer to whatever you feel is THE Creator because you're engaging in that process - you're dipping into the murky well of possibilities and shaping them into something real and sharable - you're developing a relationship with those energies and processes that bring flexibility and a unique openness to your life. Nothing opens you like creativity. Nothing makes you feel as vulnerable as creativity. Not even love. Ok, it's true in my experience but that's what I'm sharing here.
So, I think I'll leave my thoughts here. I've said before, take what thoughts you need and leave the rest behind. We all have different journeys in life and not all my puzzle pieces will fit with yours. It's my hope that maybe what I understand about my life can light the way in yours.

Time to put on another party hat!

Wendy Anderson
www.dreamdragonstudios.com